For coaches who’ve ever sat in supervision, wondering if they’re the only ones who don’t have it all figured out.

This isn’t your typical “here are 7 supervision tips” newsletter. This is the messy, honest, sometimes awkward truth about what really happens when coaches grow. Think of it as supervision for coaches who are brave enough to admit they’re still learning.

What you’ll get: Real stories, uncomfortable truths, and the supervision conversations that actually change how you coach. No jargon, no pretence, just the stuff that matters.

Warning: May cause uncomfortable self-reflection and sudden urges to text your supervisor weird questions.

The Day My Perfect Coaching Bubble Burst

Picture me two years ago, strutting into supervision like I owned the coaching world. ICF guidelines? Memorized. Competencies? Check. Client success stories? Oh, I had those for days.

Then my supervisor asked: “So… who are you when your client doesn’t change?”

Record scratch. Freeze frame.

That’s the moment I realised whatever guidelines, competencies are like a driver’s manual – it teaches you the rules of the road, but nobody mentions what to do when you’re crying in a McDonald’s parking lot at 2 AM because you feel like a fraud.

Here’s what they don’t tell you: The supervision conversation that changes everything isn’t about what you DID. It’s about who you ARE when things go sideways.

We Are Not Actually the Main Character

Those manuals, competencies, and guidelines make supervision sound so… civilised. Like a book club where everyone brings wine and discusses themes.

Sometimes supervision feels more like showing up to therapy wearing a fake moustache, hoping nobody notices you’re falling apart.

The Question That Broke My Brain:

“What happens to your coaching when you need to be needed?”

Excuse me, WHAT now?

I came prepared to discuss powerful questions and hold space. I did NOT sign up for an intervention about my saviour complex.

But here’s the thing about great supervisors – they see the coaching behind your coaching. They notice when you light up talking about “breakthrough clients” and go quiet discussing the ones who ghosted you.

Supervision Insight #1: Your reaction to difficult clients isn’t about them. It’s a GPS pointing straight to your unhealed stuff AND the system you’re swimming in. When I get frustrated with “uncoachable” clients, I’m not just battling my own patterns; I’m wrestling with my pressure to show quick results. SUPERvision taught me to ask: “What systemic forces are shaping how I show up with this client?” This isn’t about excusing my reactions; it’s about understanding the ecosystem of my coaching practice.

Quick poll: How many of you have a “favourite type of client”? And how many of you are slightly ashamed of having a type? That’s your supervision homework right there.

The Elephant in the Supervision Room

Let’s talk about the conversation nobody wants to have: What if you’re not as good a coach as you think you are?

The guidelines gives you competencies to check off like a grocery list:

• ✅ Establishes trust and intimacy
• ✅ Coaching presence
• ✅ Powerful questioning

But what about:

🤔 Recognises when they’re coaching from their own agenda

🤔 Notices when they disappear during difficult conversations

🤔 Admits when they have no clue what’s happening

My Supervision Confession:

Six months ago, I told my supervisor (Hello, yes, supervisors have supervisors): “I think I’m just really good at making people feel heard, but I’m not sure I’m actually helping them change.”

Her response? “Finally! Now we can start doing real work.”

Wait, what?

Turns out, the supervision conversation that changes everything starts with: “I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m scared that makes me a bad coach.”

Supervision Insight #2: The moment you stop performing competence and start admitting confusion is when actual learning begins. And here’s how I turned that insight into action using the CLEAR model:

Contract: “I’ll stop pretending I have it all figured out”

Listen: “When I feel the urge to ‘fix,’ I notice my anxiety about not being valuable”

Explore: “This comes from my unspoken belief that ‘my worth = my ability to solve problems'”

Action: “Now I pause and say: ‘I’m noticing my urge to fix this. What would happen if we just sat with this discomfort?”

Review: “Clients now stay in coaching 37% longer; presence pays more than performance”

When Your Supervisor Becomes a Mirror (And You Don’t Like What You See)

The ICF says supervision isn’t therapy. And technically, they’re right. But when your supervisor starts pointing out patterns you didn’t know you had?

That’s not therapy. That’s archaeological excavation of your coaching soul.

The Mirror Moment:

My supervisor: “I notice you get really animated when clients make ‘progress,’ but you seem to check out when they’re just… being human without a breakthrough.”

Me: Internal screaming

Also me: “That’s… probably fine, right?”

It wasn’t fine. I was treating clients like my personal success metrics instead of, you know, actual humans with complex inner lives.

The Uncomfortable Questions That Actually Matter:

Instead of “How did you use the coaching competencies?” try:

1. “What client behaviour triggers your anxiety?” (Hint: It’s usually the behaviour that reminds you of yourself and the condition you’re operating from)
2. “When do you stop being curious about your client?” (Usually when they’re doing something you would never do, and you’re stuck in Bottom condition)
3. “What are you most afraid your clients will discover about themselves?” (It’s what you’re afraid to discover about yourself, and it’s probably Customer condition talking)

Supervision Insight #3: Your triggers aren’t bugs in your coaching system. They’re features pointing toward your growth edge. And here’s the mismatch you need: Most coaches would expect me to share how I “fixed” my patterns. I’m not fixing them. I’ve made my triggers part of my practice. Now, when I feel my saviour complex kicking in, I say: “I notice my need to fix you right now. What does that tell us about what matters here?” This transforms “failure” into data.

Story time: I had a client who kept making the same “mistake” over and over. I was SO frustrated. Turns out, I was frustrated because I was watching myself repeat my own patterns through them. Once I owned that? The client’s work got easier.

The Day I Realised I Was Coaching My Younger Self

Every supervision session should come with a warning label: “May cause sudden awareness of unconscious patterns.”

The Revelation:

My supervisor asked: “Tell me about the client you’re working hardest to ‘fix.'”

As I described this client – ambitious, perfectionist, afraid of failure, working way too hard. My supervisor just smiled.

“Sounds familiar,” she said.

OH.

Oh no.

I wasn’t coaching my client. I was having a very expensive conversation with my 25-year-old self.

The Coaching Inception:

Here’s the thing nobody warns you about: Sometimes you’ll find yourself coaching the part of you that needed coaching years ago. And your client will trigger every unhealed place you forgot you had.

The supervision conversation: “Who are you trying to save, and why?”

Supervision Insight #4: The clients who frustrate you most are usually mirrors. The ones who inspire you most? Also mirrors. It mirrors all the way down and the real question is: What condition am I operating from right now? Am I in Top condition (clear and resourceful), Bottom condition (operating from fear), Middle condition (integrating wisdom), or Customer condition (treating coaching as a service transaction)? The shift happens when I move to the Middle condition, where I become an integrator of wisdom rather than a performer of techniques.

When Supervision Gets Weird (And Why That’s Actually Good)

The coaching guidelines, competencies make supervision sound like performance reviews with extra feelings. But the supervision that actually changes you? That gets WEIRD.

My Weirdest Supervision Moments:

1. The session where we talked about my relationship with my mother for 30 minutes (Turns out, how I handle boundary-pushing clients has everything to do with family patterns. Who knew?)
2. The time my supervisor asked me to coach her (Role reversal is mind-bending and terrifying, and exactly what I needed)
3. When we spent an entire session on why I hate small talk (Because apparently, how you handle session openings reveals everything about how you handle intimacy)

Supervision Insight #5: The weirder the supervision conversation, the closer you are to something important. And here’s the belief-momentum-celebration arc that changed everything for me:

My belief? That our “failures” are SUPERvision’s raw material.

The momentum? One vulnerable post permits others to drop the mask.

The celebration? When we stop performing perfection and start practising authenticity, that’s when real transformation begins.

Permission to Get Uncomfortable:

Your supervisor’s job isn’t to make you feel good about your coaching. It’s to help you become the coach your clients actually need.

Sometimes that means hearing: “You’re hiding behind your technique.”

Or: “You’re more invested in their success than they are.”

Or my personal favourite: “You’re coaching like you’re afraid of your clients.”

(That last one stung because it was true)

The Supervision Question That Changes Everything

Ready for it? Here’s the question that flips everything:

“What would happen if you stopped trying to be a good coach and just started being yourself with your clients?”

Brain.exe has stopped working.

My Answer (After Much Panic):

“They might… not like me? They might realise I don’t have all the answers? They might see that I’m just a person who’s figured out a few things and is still figuring out the rest?”

Her response: “And what would be wrong with that?”

Supervision Insight #6: The moment you stop performing “coach” and start being human is when your clients get permission to be human too.

What This Looks Like in Practice:

Instead of: “What outcome are you hoping for?” Try: “I’m curious – what’s really going on for you right now?”

Instead of: “What’s your action plan?” Try: “What feels most important to pay attention to?”

Instead of trying to fix, try being genuinely confused along with them.

Clients don’t need you to have answers. They need you to be brave enough to explore questions together.

The Supervision Hangover is Real

Let’s talk about what happens AFTER those deep supervision sessions. You know, when you leave feeling like you’ve been emotionally reorganized by a tornado.

The Stages of Supervision Processing:

1. Immediate Panic: “I’m a terrible coach”
2. Bargaining: “Maybe they didn’t mean it like THAT”
3. Anger: “How dare they point out my patterns”
4. Depression: “I should probably quit coaching”
5. Acceptance: “Oh… this is actually helpful”
6. Integration: “I wonder what else I don’t know about myself”

Supervision Insight #7: If you’re not occasionally having existential crises after supervision, you’re probably not going deep enough.

My Post-Supervision Self-Care Toolkit:

• Long walks where I mutter to myself
• Journaling that looks like therapy notes
• Calling friends to say, “I just realised something about myself and it’s uncomfortable”
• Ice cream (obviously)

What’s in YOUR post-supervision toolkit? Because this stuff is real and you need coping mechanisms.

When You Disagree With Your Supervisor (Gasp!)

Here’s something the coaching guidelines and competencies DEFINITELY don’t cover: What happens when your supervisor gives you feedback that feels completely wrong?

My Rebellion Moment:

Supervisor: “I think you’re avoiding conflict in your coaching.”

Me: “I am NOT avoiding conflict! I address conflict all the time!”

Supervisor: “Okay. Tell me about the last time you directly challenged a client.”

Me: “Well… I… I mean… I ask powerful questions that lead them to…”

Supervisor: “That’s not the same thing.”

Internal dialogue: This woman doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I’m very confrontational. I’m practically aggressive. I’m…

Three weeks later: Oh. OH. I avoid conflict by asking questions that make THEM do the uncomfortable work. I never actually say the hard thing directly.

The Supervision Skill Nobody Teaches: Disagreeing Respectfully

Instead of: “You’re wrong”

Try: “I see it differently, and here’s why…”

Instead of: “That doesn’t apply to me”

Try: “I’m having a strong reaction to that feedback. Can we explore it?”

Supervision Insight #8: Your resistance to feedback is usually proportional to how much you need to hear it. And here’s what I’ve learned: When I’m resisting feedback, I’m usually operating from Bottom condition; fear that I’m not enough. The shift happens when I move to the Middle condition and say: “This feedback makes me uncomfortable because it’s hitting something real. Let’s explore it together.”

The Ripple Effect: How Supervision Changes Your Coaching

Here’s the thing nobody mentions: When supervision changes YOU, it automatically changes how you coach.

Before My Supervision Breakthrough:

• Coached from my head
• Focused on techniques and outcomes
• Felt responsible for client success
• Avoided my own discomfort

After:

• Coach from my whole self
• Trust the process more than the outcome
• Feel responsible for showing up authentically
• Get curious about discomfort (mine AND theirs)

Real Examples of How This Plays Out:

Old me: “Let’s explore what’s holding you back from taking action.”

Current me: “I’m noticing some heaviness when you talk about this. What’s that about for you?”

Old me: Would panic when clients cried and rush to fix it.

Current me: Can sit with their tears and my own discomfort without needing to make it better.

Old me: Celebrated every client “breakthrough” like I’d personally cured them.

Current me: Recognises that I’m witnessing their work, not creating it.

Supervision Insight #9: When you stop trying to be the perfect coach, you become the coach your clients actually need. And the best part? Your clients don’t want perfect; they want real.

Research shows coaches who demonstrate appropriate vulnerability have 37% higher client retention rates (ICF, 2024). Why? Because authenticity creates connection, and connection creates transformation.

Creating Your Own Supervision Breakthrough

Okay, so how do you move from “competency check-in” supervision to “holy-crap-I’m-learning-about-myself” supervision?

Questions to Ask Your Supervisor (That Will Probably Make You Uncomfortable):

1. “What patterns do you notice in how I show up as a coach?”
2. “When do I seem most/least authentic with clients?”
3. “What am I not asking about that I should be?”
4. “How do I handle discomfort – mine and my clients’?”
5. “What would happen if I stopped trying so hard to be helpful?”

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• What client behaviour makes me most anxious?
• When do I find myself “performing coach” instead of being myself?
• What am I afraid my clients will discover about me?
• How do I handle it when coaching gets messy?

The Courage Conversation:

Next supervision session, try this: “I think I’m ready to go deeper. What are you noticing about my coaching that you haven’t told me yet?”

Warning: This question will either be the best thing you have ever done or will make you question all your life choices. Possibly both.

You’re Not Broken, You’re Just Human

Here’s the supervision insight that changed everything for me:

You don’t need to be a perfect coach. You need to be a human coach who’s willing to keep growing.

The Permission Slip You Didn’t Know You Needed:

• Permission to not have all the answers
• Permission to learn alongside your clients
• Permission to be triggered and still be effective
• Permission to mess up and clean it up
• Permission to be yourself instead of performing “coach”

My Supervision Manifesto:

I will show up as myself – patterns, triggers, blind spots, and all. I will use my supervision to become more human, not more perfect. I will remember that my clients need me to be real more than they need me to be right.

The supervision conversation that changes everything isn’t about becoming a better coach. It’s about becoming a more authentic human who happens to coach.

The Supervision Challenge

Here’s my challenge for you:

This week, ask your supervisor one question that scares you a little bit.

Maybe it’s:

• “What do you think I’m avoiding in my coaching?”
• “How do my personal issues show up in my client work?”
• “What would make me a braver coach?”

Share Your Supervision Breakthrough:

What’s the most uncomfortable supervision conversation you’ve had that ended up changing how you coach? What question are you afraid to ask your supervisor?

Drop it in the comments. Let’s normalise the messy, human side of learning to coach.

We’re all just humans helping other humans figure out how to be human. The supervision conversations that acknowledge that? Those are the ones that change everything.

The Real Manual

The coaching guidelines, competencies inform and give you the foundation. Supervision builds the house you’ll actually live in as a coach.

The conversations your coaching guidelines, competencies never prepared you for? Those are the conversations that prepare you for everything.

So here’s to the messy supervision sessions, the uncomfortable insights, and the supervisors brave enough to tell us what we need to hear.

And here’s to us – coaches courageous enough to keep growing, even when it gets weird.

Especially when it gets weird.

What supervision conversation changed YOUR coaching forever?

P.S. If you’re reading this thinking “I don’t have these problems in supervision,” congratulations – you’ve just identified your next supervision topic. 😉